{"id":11534,"date":"2025-03-17T10:13:46","date_gmt":"2025-03-17T17:13:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/?p=11534"},"modified":"2025-03-17T10:13:46","modified_gmt":"2025-03-17T17:13:46","slug":"sometimes-quickly-sometimes-slowly","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/?p=11534","title":{"rendered":"Sometimes Quickly, Sometimes Slowly"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>I remember those daze. I wanted to be a partner at a large law firm, working big cases, going to court\/arbitration, making a lot of money; and if only I could be with that one that got away, my world would simply be complete. I would arrive. I would be on top. I would win the game of life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Hooray for me! I did it. With hard work, dedication, and things to calm me down, I obtained all of the above, and more. Simply put, I hit the apex of my crescendo, landed at the top of the heap, and quickly found myself painfully stuck in my own success. Careful whatcha wish for, as they say. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Driving to work in bumper-to-bumper traffic, grinding out a shitload of billable hours, thinking a mild heart attack might be the trick, a good enough excuse to take a day off from work. Nothing serious, mind you, just a mild heart attack, and a couple of days in the hospital for some rest.<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"700\" height=\"875\" src=\"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/IMG_0264.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-11548\" srcset=\"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/IMG_0264.jpg 700w, https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/IMG_0264-240x300.jpg 240w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 700px) 100vw, 700px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-audio\"><audio controls src=\"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/ubetter.mp3\"><\/audio><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">The Who; &#8216;You Better You Bet&#8217;<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Or better yet, just let go of the steering wheel, let my car gently drift into the lane next to me, under a big rig. Let the front end of my Charger get caught under a big rig, in between the wheels of the trailer, and crush my overworked ass to a screeching halt. Again, nothing serious, mind you.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Driving home wasn&#8217;t much better at times. Attempting to share my day, my struggles, with that one that got away, to only hear her rejection, her telling me she just doesn&#8217;t get what she needs from such conversations. She&#8217;s more interested in discussing her insecurities and control over me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I remember those daze, I&#8217;m happy to have had those daze, and I&#8217;m even happier to know that those daze reside behind me in closed chapters. I don&#8217;t wanna be that guy anymore, and in spite of periodic bouts of letting my ego (or reminiscing) fuck with my head, I roll pretty well these daze.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>My current dilemma is merely: What next? What to do now? Also, I&#8217;m plagued with a regular coincidence in this area. Each and every time my ego kicks in, when I&#8217;m thinking I want to be important again, I&#8217;m almost immediately shutdown by a counterweight showing me that&#8217;s not true.<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"418\" src=\"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/IMG_0868-1-1024x418.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-11552\" srcset=\"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/IMG_0868-1-1024x418.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/IMG_0868-1-300x122.jpg 300w, https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/IMG_0868-1-768x313.jpg 768w, https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/IMG_0868-1-1536x626.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/IMG_0868-1.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-audio\"><audio controls src=\"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/letmyluv.mp3\"><\/audio><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Pete Townshend; &#8216;Let My Love Open The Door (E. Cola Mix)&#8217;<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>I&#8217;m walking back from panel feeling like a legal has-been, thinking about private practice, when a homeless person on the ground looks directly at me. I&#8217;m getting coffee at the gas station, missing that feeling of being important, when a homeless guy walks by in the rain looking right at me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Their eyes. Their eyes felt like they saw through me. I couldn&#8217;t hide. I couldn&#8217;t shield my eyes. I felt embarrassed, shameful, for them catching me in ego driven thoughts about myself. I&#8217;m struggling with wanting to feel important while they&#8217;re struggling to stay alive on the cold streets.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Fuck me. It&#8217;s all bullshit. I not only know what to do, but I&#8217;m doing it now. I&#8217;m actually for the first time in my life letting go &#8211; letting the universe sort it out for me. I&#8217;m tired. Tired of thinking I ever had control in the first place. Tired of holding any expectations or resentments toward anyone. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A friend pointed out something today. I&#8217;ve forgiven the unforgivable: Me.  <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I remember those daze. I wanted to be a partner at a large law firm, working big cases, going to court\/arbitration, making a lot of money; and if only I could be with that one that got away, my world would simply be complete. I would arrive. I would be on top. I would win &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/?p=11534\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Sometimes Quickly, Sometimes Slowly<\/span> <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[18,2716,16,19,2715,2552,234,2714],"class_list":["post-11534","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ramblings","tag-blues-for-cable","tag-let-my-love-open-the-door","tag-neuroticattorney","tag-neuroticattorney-com","tag-pete-townshend","tag-ramblings","tag-the-who","tag-you-better-you-bet"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11534","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=11534"}],"version-history":[{"count":15,"href":"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11534\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11554,"href":"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11534\/revisions\/11554"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=11534"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=11534"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=11534"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}