{"id":13148,"date":"2026-02-12T23:34:41","date_gmt":"2026-02-13T07:34:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/?p=13148"},"modified":"2026-02-13T08:41:07","modified_gmt":"2026-02-13T16:41:07","slug":"if-you-want-my-future-forget-my-past","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/?p=13148","title":{"rendered":"If You Want My Future, Forget My Past"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Tonight was perfect. I needed it. The Spice Girls song made me laugh.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I also forgot how much I like to go alone. I should&#8217;ve figured. An Anti-Valentine&#8217;s Day Cabaret. Mostly women, a few couples, another guy, and me. I hadn&#8217;t felt like prey in a while. The mysterious quiet boy with nails.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-video\"><video height=\"1080\" style=\"aspect-ratio: 1920 \/ 1080;\" width=\"1920\" controls src=\"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/IMG_3945.mov\"><\/video><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>I should wear a suit and tie again. Lawyer up. Nothing better than a beautiful woman taking off my tie. I like the way my cock shows when getting aroused in dress pants. I like it more when women notice. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;You always have a little something off,&#8221; she once told me. &#8220;A little disheveled,&#8221; she explained. That&#8217;s right. More often than not, it was my belt pulled too far to one side. It would help draw attention. To look.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-video\"><video height=\"1080\" style=\"aspect-ratio: 1920 \/ 1080;\" width=\"1920\" controls src=\"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/IMG_3947.mov\"><\/video><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;What do I miss,&#8221; he asked. &#8220;I miss the desks. I miss the conference rooms. I miss the hotels. I miss the HR lady. I miss fucking a friend in the contemplation room during breaks at deposition. What do you miss?&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I miss long walks in the rain, sunshine on my shoulders, and reasons to get up in the morning. I miss sanity. I miss je ne sais quoi. I miss saying je ne sais quoi. I miss people that made my life better. I miss a lot of things.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-video\"><video height=\"1080\" style=\"aspect-ratio: 1920 \/ 1080;\" width=\"1920\" controls src=\"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/IMG_3950.mov\"><\/video><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>I had to leave early. I needed to get back. My ERP Session. The gold-standard treatment for OCD. Before departing though, I couldn&#8217;t help but think how wonderfully imperfect the world was today. Confident.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Didn&#8217;t last. Moment gone by the time I got to my car. I have mixed feelings about seeing my old office. I used to sleep on a couch in that office. So many fucking nights lost and heartbroken. Cold and alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-video\"><video height=\"1920\" style=\"aspect-ratio: 1080 \/ 1920;\" width=\"1080\" controls src=\"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/IMG_3949.mov\"><\/video><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>ERP is going well. I struggled at the outset, but today was huge for me. I finally took the time to figure out the app and tools, and I created my hierarchy of: Obsessions, Triggers, Feared Outcomes, and Compulsions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Don&#8217;t threaten me with a good time! I even conducted a practice session with my therapist. I like her. I must. I let myself be open and vulnerable with her this evening. What was the practice? Moving things on my desk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-video\"><video height=\"1080\" style=\"aspect-ratio: 1920 \/ 1080;\" width=\"1920\" controls src=\"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/IMG_3952.mov\"><\/video><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Baby steps. We have a lot of work to do. Things like stop signs, an HVAC unit, politics, medical worries, house maintenance, locks, my calendar, doors, resetting electronic devices, driving in circles, and relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I probably shouldn&#8217;t say tonight was perfect, but it was definitely a start.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Tonight was perfect. I needed it. The Spice Girls song made me laugh. I also forgot how much I like to go alone. I should&#8217;ve figured. An Anti-Valentine&#8217;s Day Cabaret. Mostly women, a few couples, another guy, and me. I hadn&#8217;t felt like prey in a while. The mysterious quiet boy with nails. I should &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/?p=13148\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">If You Want My Future, Forget My Past<\/span> <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2529],"tags":[2536,16,19],"class_list":["post-13148","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dear-abbie","tag-dear-abbie","tag-neuroticattorney","tag-neuroticattorney-com"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13148","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=13148"}],"version-history":[{"count":13,"href":"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13148\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13174,"href":"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13148\/revisions\/13174"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=13148"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=13148"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neuroticattorney.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=13148"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}