I’m starting this post from a Starbucks in Conroe, Texas, which is outside of Houston, way too fucking early in the morning. It’s good though. I was happy to be able to help my son and his amazing girlfriend move into their new house – so proud of them. Dude is 25 years old, and is completely self-made and self-reliant. He is a strong and capable man.

Houston holds a unique place in my heart. In addition to one of those places I’d hit while riding around the country on a motorcycle, I consider it the gateway to Galveston and the Gulf of Mexico; the landing spot on my way to see a show at Dosey Doe in Spring, Texas; and the home of one of my dearest childhood friends. I will forever love all of these things.

It also reminds me of that song by Larry Gatlin & The Gatlin Brothers Band. I always play it when traveling through Houston. I recall once, while riding my motorcycle to Galveston on my way to ride around the Gulf of Mexico, the rain was coming down so bad, it was one of the few times pulling over to find cover, and I just sat and listened to the song.

Over the past several weeks, I keep being told three things – mostly from strangers – that keeps making me pause. One: “You look like you should be somebody. Are you an actor or a rock star?” Two: “You look too young. There’s no way you’re in your 50’s.” Three: “You’re strong. You’re one of the toughest guys I’ve ever met.” Repeated beyond mere coincidence.

For example, about two weeks ago, I met a man named Raul, who is about seven years younger than me, who spent more than 18 years in prison for murder. After telling me things about looking young and like a rock star, dude says: “In prison, I met a lot of tough men, and I would say you’re one of the toughest persons I’ve ever met.” This blew me away.

I understand the comments about looking young. It doesn’t take much to notice when looking at people at or around my age. I also understand the comments about looking like “being someone” of notoriety. If I had a dollar for every time someone confused me with “being with the band,” for example. But, to be honest, I had to push back on me being tough.

I live mostly in a constant state of fear. Fear of the past and future; of the known and unknown; of living and dying. Not a day goes by without fear feeling like a pallet of cinder blocks laying on my chest. It can be absolutely paralyzing at times. And, perhaps the biggest fear of all is people knowing how utterly terrified I feel inside. I’m embarrassed.

I had to ask Raul why. Why does he think I’m one of the toughest guys he’s ever met. His response continues to make me think. Raul said: “You have a presence about you. People know when you’re in the room. When you speak, I can tell you have a lot of wisdom.” Strange. For a guy who feels invisible most of the time, it was nice to hear Raul say these things.